Saturday, March 18, 2017
I have a new outlook on life. Life and how I live it has become my priority. I am reflecting more on my life and thinking of all the things in life I've always wanted to do. The things that I once enjoyed don't give me the same joy. I am learning that those you counted on aren't always going to be the same people, and that's okay.
Maybe getting older is making me more aware of my mortality, or maybe learning that my mom has lung cancer has increased my awareness of it. She has chosen to refuse treatment and live out the rest of her life. She wants us to enjoy her and not watch her suffer. My mother is a very strong stubborn woman, who has been through so much, but always gets through it. I see where I get it from. Whatever the reasons are that changed my perspective, it has given me a better appreciation of life and the time that is spent while I am alive.
As long as I can remember, I've never really felt like I fit in, and longed to be accepted. I have learned that blood may connect you, but doesn't hold you together. I've had family stop communicating with me, without ever being given a reason why. I have other members tell me how they've witnessed others ridicule me behind my back. I won't ever deny that it has hurt me. I tried reaching out looking for answers. I never got answers, but I have forgiven them none the less. I would never deny our relationship but I will not push myself on anyone anymore. I truly appreciate those that want to be a part of my life and accept me.
As a child we can't wait to grow up and become an adult. Time felt like it was on pause. A minute felt like a hour, an hour felt like forever! But as an adult we wish we could be children again. Time flies and there aren't enough minutes in a day. So make sure each minute and every hour is spent doing what makes you happy. Most of all give 100% in everything you do. If you can't, then say no.
Death is imminent, and we may not know when it will happen, so we might as well make our time here meaningful. I am learning that I need to take better care of me. I need to heal my mind, my body and my soul. As someone who suffers from anxiety disorder doing this can be difficult. In an effort to heal myself and reduce my panic attacks, I am trying to worry less about what I can't handle. Having expectations can be disappointing, so I am expecting less of others, and Instead I am setting higher expectations of myself.
I have always known that tomorrow isn't promised, and we shouldn't waste it being miserable. None of us know when we lay our heads down at night if we will wake up the next morning. So if you do, you should be grateful for another day and make the best of it. Don't spend your days or time doing something you don't enjoy. You shouldn't be somewhere that you feel forced to be. If you happen to be in that type situation, make the best of it.
Tell those you love that you love them. Let go of grudges and forgive. Life is short and can be taken at anytime. So live life. Do what makes you happy. Invest in those that are worthy of your time and effort. Take chances. Say what you mean, and really mean what you say. Cry because you're laughing too hard. Love like your heart has never been broken and dance like no one is watching!