Thursday, December 31, 2015

Learing to Pause, Reflect and Repair Myself

Jada Pinkett Smith's response to How hard it is being a wife and mother

I am thankful that I came across this post, because I have been a mix of emotions and exhaustion.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was that was bothering me.  I was slipping and feeling like what I was feeling didn’t matter. That I needed to suck it up and get over it. I have been feeling angry and I have been feeling alone.  

This is something that all women, not just wives and mothers should hear! Everyone should learn how to balance our duties and taking time out for ourselves.  You have to learn how to take care of yourself and how to truly make yourself happy.  You have to love you first.  I have lost my balance and I thought that I was taking care of me, but I was too wrapped up in making sure everyone else was okay.  I love to help others and make them happy.  But I haven’t truly taking care of me.  I have been feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated by those close to me, because they aren’t seeing that I am not myself.  The truth is that I myself didn’t know that I haven’t truly been myself.  I have been blaming others for my unhappiness and unbalance.  

I am not making excuses. I have taken on a lot. And that is no one else’s fault but my own.  I am taking accountability.  I have a vision and a dream that I want to fulfill and now I have to work on balancing it all.  But first I have to take some time to find me.  I need to pause and reflect.  Then I have to put things into perspective.  I have to begin to organize myself better, and set prioritize.  Work on what’s most important first and work my way down, versus trying to get it all done immediately. 
I am only one person.  Though I may have a thousand roles and wear a million hats, I cannot do it all.  I need to remind myself of that when I am asked to take on more.  

I believe in treating people the way that you would like to be treated.  So when I wasn’t getting the same treatment I became resentful and bitter.  It would make me feel like I had to work harder, or find more ways to make them happy and satisfy their needs.   I was letting others ideas and expectations dictate my actions.  Trying to meet their needs, and not have mines met really took a toll on me.  I thought that if I did what they wanted, that they too would want to do the same for me.  I was looking at those around me wondering why they weren’t noticing.  I have been looking to other methods of finding happiness and filling voids.  I have been looking for instant gratification, such as food, which has always been my go to filler for happiness.  But it is only temporary and it only contributes to my unhappiness once I am done eating.  I know this, yet I continue to do it, because it is easier to sit and eat bag of chocolate than to tell someone how you are feeling and they just don’t get it.  

I am motivated by positivity and encouragement.  It is difficult when so many around me only know how to point out the negative.  It can be very overwhelming to juggle so many things and only have what you’ve done wrong or what you haven’t done be acknowledged.  Even if it is done in a “Joking” manner.  

So with the new year approaching, I am not saying a New Year, New Me.  What I am going to say is a New Year to Live, Love and Laugh, and I will do that by taking time to pause, reflect and repair. 

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